Do you have a love-fear relationship with your breasts? You are not alone.
I had the idea for this blog October of last year. Even someone who thinks about their breast health on a regular basis let almost a year go by without putting it at the top of the priority list. NOT GOOD and NOT RECOMMENDED. This is not just a relatable share, but a plead to prioritize your personal health.
Somewhere in the midst of living different beyond 2020 I developed a fear of my breasts. Was this just me teetering on hypochondria? Have all the recent waves of emotion created this? Was there any legitimacy?
A quick Google search will tell you the average American woman has a 1 in 8 chance of developing breast cancer in her life. Pursuing my breast health, I discovered that due to family history, my personal chances were about 31% as compared to an average of 12% of developing breast cancer. These details terrified me. I have an obsessive need to be here for my family. I don't want my children to have to do life without their mother. I don't want my husband to have to ever grieve me. I want to be here; I need to be here. I decided I was going to take matters into my own hands. For reference, this is coming from someone who had a Tubal Ligation at 28.
In 2021 I entered into the early detection program at one of the breast centers in our area. It consisted of annual visits at the breast center, plus rotating MRIs and Mammograms every six months. While this gave me some level of comfort in knowing I was still "ok", the lead up to each visit was torture. I constantly worried about which visit would be the one with unfavorable results. I stressed over the idea of having to discuss this with my children. Each drive to the appointments felt like I was on my way to potentially receive bad news. I felt like I was always waiting for the diagnosis, that it wasn't a matter of "if", but really a matter of "when".
After multiple conversations, consultations and thoughtful prayer I decided it was right for me to get a prophylactic double mastectomy. This would essentially reduce my chances of developing breast cancer from 31% to 1%. A completely reasonable risk reduction that I was content with and felt confident would remove the fear.
I selected a surgeon, who I adored. I always appreciate when I can find a doctor I legitimately trust, who respected my uncharacteristic for my age desires. At one appointment, I asked her out of complete chance (or was it) if she'd be around for a while because I knew I wanted to work with her through this process. Sadly, she let me know she would be changing career locations as of the end of that year. So naturally I went ahead and got on her surgery schedule for the December before she left.
As I was progressing through the following phases of plastic surgery and preparation appointments, I ended up overwhelmed and unable to come to complete decisions on all paths forward. I love my body and was really struggling with the options available to me to willingly alter it. Knowing the risks combined with options landed me at a crossroads. I had an ultimate end game that I still want to this day but couldn't figure out which road to take to get there.
I finally had the most wonderful conversation with my doctor where she told me, there was no rush.
The realization of there being no rush was both weightlifting and soul crushing at the same time. She was right, I didn't need to force it the next two months. I didn't need to rush. I didn't have a breast cancer diagnosis. I had an increased risk percentage and a fear.
But what about all the women who do have to rush? What about all the women who aren't visiting the breast center out of prevention, but out of treatment.
As much as I thought I was doing the right thing for me and for my family, the reality of those who are simply fighting for their lives because they have to - struck hard. Women, Friends, we owe it to the fallen, the fighters, to the survivors and to ourselves to take care of our bodies in every way possible.
When a company that I love came out with their Breast Cancer Awareness Collection around the same time I was grappling with the latest in my personal journey, I felt it was important to try to make a positive impact to as many women as possible. The beautiful community that surrounds me donated 100 Breast Cancer Awareness Scentsy Scent Circles to this effort. I have paired each scent circle with a card in the hopes that it brightens the day of a woman who may be going through hard things. This may be what led you here and if it is, I say this with the utmost sincerity:
you are incredibly strong
you are loved beyond words
you are not alone
your life and your journey, matter.
I want to share a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed to making this possible, to every doctor, nurse, and advocate out there encouraging and helping women through these endeavors.
I am an open book to you all. If you want to chat or connect, send a message through this site or email me at shortstudiosboudoir@gmail.com; all socials are fair game to. I'm happy to meet people in similar circumstances to mine. I'm happy to collaborate with any woman going through a journey, who could use a confidant.
I will personally continue forward with ROUTINE & ON TIME monitoring appointments (affirming this for myself here) and will update anyone who wants to know what I decide in the future. It is highly likely I let myself put off the preventative appointments to avoid the anticipation of what the visit could entail. Ramping those visits back up again may just put me right back in the path of action. More to follow!
xoxo
Crystal